Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
