I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
