I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
