I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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