Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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