OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
