3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
