My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
