I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We smell like vodka and hangover
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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