I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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