Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
