so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
