i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
