Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
