The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
