I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
