I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
