maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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