one two three fourrrrnication!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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