remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
