Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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