I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
