He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
