We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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