coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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