OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
