dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
