i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
