so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
