if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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