Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We are all done wearing pants today
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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