P.S. I can't hear my feet
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
