Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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