After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
