I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
