It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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