I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
