Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
