Just fell off a train. Bad.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
