Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
