After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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