I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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