Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
whose ass print is on the piano?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
