someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
