Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize