"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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