sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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