I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
