so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
