my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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