I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
