I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
