The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
