I faked an abortion last night.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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