grandma shit on top of the toilet
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
