Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think im going to throw up on grandma
please come you make the beer taste better
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
