Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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