There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Holy shit dude........stairs
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