the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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