Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
