Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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