the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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