Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
