Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
