Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
