if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He passed out mid-signature
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
