i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
