if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
