either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize