she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This baby is an asshole
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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