Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
