I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
